Silence

I want to reassure survivors of abuse who have NOT spoken out about what has happened to them. It does not make you less worthy of support or understanding. There is no reason to feel ashamed or “weak”, because you don’t feel safe enough to confide in someone. 

Sexual abuse is a very scary thing and if you are a situation where you are unsafe or you feel that no one around you would understand why you have not spoken up, remember that there are anonymous support groups where you can talk to others in the same situation as you who can help you through this time. 

What happened to you was not your fault and I understand that sometimes - no matter how much you might want to tell someone - the words just will not come. They can be stuck in your throat or, worse, you might not even entertain the thought of telling others because of the judgement you “know” will come after. I am sorry you are currently in such an isolated place emotionally and I want to encourage you to reach out to anonymous communities until you feel comfortable enough confiding in someone you trust. 

It may take weeks, months or years for you to reach that level of vulnerability, but that is alright. The healing journey is not a race and there is no set deadline for when you must reach certain stages. Take it at your own pace and don’t be hard on yourself. It is okay to feel what you are feeling and it is okay to want more than you have right now in the form of support. Loneliness and self-imposed isolation are things that many survivors face for a long time, but you can make it through that and become more open. Eventually, when you are ready, you will feel strong enough to reach out and confide in someone about what has happened to you. 

Waiting does not make you a bad person. Being unable to speak up about your abuse doesn’t mean that you wanted it or that you are a bad person. There is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. It is alright and what happened was not your fault. You will find support and acceptance. 

Be kind to yourself and don’t force yourself to do more than you feel able. Give yourself time and work up to communicating your past with others. You are strong and I know that you will speak up when the time is right for you.