Religion and Guilt

I am not going to preach or condemn religion, because that is not the issue I wish to discuss. For a survivor of sexual assault or abuse religion based guilt can cause a lot of heartache and confusion. Often times they question their faith and spirituality, because of the abuse. For those who are not religious it can be humiliating and hurtful to be verbally attacked in such a way.

I want to encourage people that are religious and reassure them that their abuse is not the result of “not enough faith”, it is also not “to make you stronger for god”. I was given both of these guilt producing explanations. With the first you are being told that it would not have happened if only you had more faith in god or your beliefs. In the latter the guilt stems from not being strong enough emotionally or emotionally faulty. 

Of course, all of that is incorrect. Abuse victims are like everyone else. They are not more qualifying of punishment and they certainly don’t deserve the things that happened to them. If you are a survivor and religion is being used in any way to make you feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty about what you have endured at the hands of your abusers then you need to know that what you are being told is a lie. It is wrong. It is inhumane and certainly not the actions of a loving, caring god. The judgmental people spreading these lies should be ashamed of themselves, not you.  

That said, I have also been told that my abuse happened because I was not religious. It was punishment for being an “unbeliever”. These were words spoken to me from a woman who did not even know my background. She genuinely believed that anyone abused like me must be an atheist and bound for hell or god would have rescued me. You can see how illogical and biased her reasoning is, but still people like her persecute survivors all the time. If anyone has ever said things like this to you, they are wrong. Your religion or lack of it did not cause your abuse to happen. 

Someone made a choice, that is what caused the abuse. The choice was not yours and out of your control. Your abuser is the monster, not you. You can still grow and heal and have a healthy life moving forward. Stay safe and be kind to yourself, because with all the guilt being aimed at us we need to at least be able to believe in ourselves. You have support here.